TEARY eyes and hugs were in abundance last week as Mount Gambier women Di Chambers and Kathleen Donhardt shared their emotional stories of tragedy and triumph with the community.
Stepping Out of the Shadows Into the Light was a night of inspiration as Ms Chambers and Ms Donhardt told of the struggles and vulnerability they faced throughout their lives.
Hoping to provide hope for those feeling misunderstood, unhappy, unheard, unfulfilled or unloved, the two bravely stepped forward in front of a crowd of many at Commodore on the Park to speak about loss of loved ones and violence.
When her son Ryan went missing in India 11 years ago, Ms Chambers took on a battle herself – a journey through pain and grief to once again seek happiness.
“My intention through sharing my experiences is to bring the ongoing pain caused by loss, grief and trauma to the forefront so those people suffering can actually step out and start to talk about it,” she said last Thursday night.
“I’ve recently learnt that speaking about it is part of going through the process in getting those emotions moving through the body.”
On August 24, 2005, at around 8pm, Ms Chambers received a phone call from Ryan’s friend John that would change everything – Ryan was missing.
That morning at around 5am in India when the gates of the Ashram where he was staying opened, Ryan walked out and since then there have been no confirmed sightings of him.
In regular contact with her son throughout his trip, Ms Chambers and her family were clueless as to what had happened to Ryan and where he could be.
The Chambers family said goodbye to their “normal” life and began years of searching and hoping that they would be reunited with Ryan.
“I came to the conclusion that positive thinking is more than just positive thinking – it is the power of right thought,” Ms Chambers said.
“Positive thinking is just flipping everything and looking on the bright side and that is okay, but in life everything is opposites, when you have ups, you’ve got downs and when you’ve got happy, you’ve got sad.
“To me the power of right thought is acknowledging and looking at the negatives and the loss and then choosing to pick yourself up and move forward.”
To cope with the emotional roller-coaster she had been forced onto, Ms Chambers chose to release the burden that was weighing her down.
“While I don’t consider myself a religious person, with a lot of the reading and personal development I’ve done, I do believe in the universe and something bigger than myself,” she said.
“I stood out in our backyard and I just looked up at the sky and I handed over the burden because it was just too darn heavy for me to carry.”
Also feeling the weight of past experiences keeping her from living a truly happy life for many years, Ms Donhardt chose to share with the community how she has moved on from her traumatic early years.
“If you can imagine a perfect country family, the white picket fence, everybody doting over the only girl in the family, parents blissful with a wonderful relationship, well that wasn’t my family,” she said.
“By the time I was seven years old I was sexually abused by a family member – that went on for a time and I never spoke of it.”
Trying to escape from the horrors of family life, at the age of 13, Ms Donhardt traded her virginity for a cigarette.
This sexual abuse continued for four years until Ms Donhardt became pregnant.
“For many years I took full responsibility for that, for many years I thought well I agreed to it, I didn’t run away, I just let him have his way, and hey any attention is good when you’re the fat girl and nobody else wants you,” she said.
A single mother at only 17, Ms Donhardt raised her child by herself and entered into full-time study when her daughter was in kindergarten.
“Everything seemed wonderful on the outside, but I was actually miserable, I hated who I was and I hated my life,” she said.
On the brinks of suicide, Ms Donhardt took the step that changed her life for the better, taking part in a personal development session.
“By the time that I finished that training I could not wait to get back into my life,” she said.
“It was that weekend that I decided that I didn’t want to die, I didn’t just want to exist, I really wanted to live and make the most of my life.”
Unpacking her emotions and experiences during further sessions, Ms Donhardt eventually spoke out about the sexual abuse the family member had put her through.
“Once I had spoken out it was life changing, it was amazing how good I felt, finally I was starting to be free of it,” she said.
“When I came out of that training I was absolutely happy.”
Hoping to continue to help others who are struggling to break through the tragedies of life, Ms Donhardt said she plans to provide ongoing platforms where people can share their stories with others in the community.
“I want to create a space to allow people to keep talking about their experiences in life,” she said.
A total of $350 raised on the night will be donated to the Limestone Coast Domestic Violence Service.
